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Fed Raises Rates, Gen Z Raises Eyebrows
Interest is up, but nobody’s interested.
By: Janet Yellen, Mommy
Breaking Story
The U.S. Federal Reserve raised interest rates again this week in a desperate attempt to fight inflation. Economists cheered, markets panicked, and Gen Z investors immediately turned it into a meme.
“Bro, I’m not scared of higher rates,” tweeted one 22-year-old crypto trader. “I’m scared of checking my portfolio.”
Meanwhile, the global economy is doing its best impression of your favorite toxic ex: unpredictable, draining, and somehow still in your life.
What Happened (Allegedly)
- Fed hikes interest rates by 0.25%.
- Stock market responds with its favorite routine: crash, pump, crash again.
- Crypto stays unbothered, still cosplaying as a slot machine.
- Housing affordability? LOL.
Economists say this is “necessary to control inflation.” Translation: “We’re winging it and hoping nobody notices.”
FAKE or REAL? (Poll Section)
- “Federal Reserve to replace U.S. dollar with Starbucks gift cards for more stability.”
- Fake or Real?
- “Crypto whale moves $1B worth of tokens… to buy Minecraft skins.”
- Fake or Real?
- “RMBT meme poll reveals 60% of investors trust TikTok finance more than CNBC.”
- Fake or Real?
Tweet Reactions
💀 @stonks4lyfe: “Interest rates went up. My interest in living went down.”
📉 @rektAgain: “Fed hiked rates, but my rent still got cardio.”
😂 @CryptoUncle: “Markets are crashing, but at least my memes are pumping.”
🪙 @ETHisLife: “Financial advisors: diversify. Me: Okay, I’m broke in 4 different markets.”
Top Comments Section (Mock Style)
User: CashlessKing
“Wait… so money is more expensive now? Bro, it was already imaginary.”
User: EconDropout420
“My professor told me interest rates affect demand. I told him my demand for money is infinite.”
User: RMBT_PollBot
“Ran an experiment: 45% of people think Jerome Powell is just a deepfake. Honestly, mood.”
User: SideHustleZombie
“Higher interest rates won’t stop me from buying dips. Poverty is bullish.”
The Bigger Picture
The Fed says it’s trying to tame inflation. But inflation feels more like a hydra—cut off one head, three more pop up at the grocery store.
Eggs are still priced like luxury items. Housing is basically an NFT you can live in. And your paycheck? Shrinking faster than your attention span during an economics lecture.
Central banks keep saying, “We have this under control.” That’s like your friend insisting they’re “fine” after their 6th tequila shot.
Meme of the Week
Image: Fed printer with a “Low Ink” warning.
Caption: “Sorry, no more money. Try turning it off and on again.”
Analysis (Because News Blogs Pretend To Be Serious)
Raising interest rates is supposed to cool down the economy. But in practice, it’s like trying to fix a broken car by adjusting the air freshener.
- Borrowing gets harder.
- Credit cards get scarier.
- Student loans become the final boss.
- Boomers say “back in my day” at least 3x more.
Yet the stock market, like an overdramatic influencer, reacts to everything with panic posts and crying selfies.
Final Word
The economy is one giant group chat full of bad takes. The Fed thinks it’s the admin, but everyone’s just muting notifications.
Whether you believe in “monetary policy” or just think the market is run by vibes, remember: the only stable investment left is memes.
Fake or Real Wrap-Up:
- Fed raising rates? Real.
- Is your salary keeping up? Fake.
- RMBT meme polls? Real enough to hurt.
Disclaimer: Not financial advice. Unless it works, in which case, yes, totally financial advice.
