Westminster Debates If Inflation Can Be Blamed on Mercury in Retrograde

MPs consult horoscopes instead of economists.

By James Porter – Political Satire Analyst

A Celestial Debate in Parliament

In a city where politics and economics already feel like theatre, Westminster has now added astrology to the script. Reports claim that MPs held an informal session debating whether Britain’s stubborn inflation might be linked to Mercury in retrograde. Instead of quoting economists or citing fiscal policy, lawmakers apparently waved birth charts and zodiac signs as evidence.

The Speaker attempted to maintain order as one MP shouted, “The stars don’t lie!” Another countered with, “Inflation is in Leo, of course it’s roaring.” The chamber, usually divided along party lines, was suddenly split into star signs.

MPs as Amateur Astrologers

The debate escalated as members consulted apps on their phones. One Conservative MP read aloud from Co-Star: “Capricorns should avoid major purchases today.” He claimed it was clear advice against new borrowing. Across the aisle, a Labour MP replied that “Sagittarius optimism explains the Chancellor’s reckless budgets.”

Tourists watching from the gallery reportedly applauded. For once, they said, Parliament looked less depressing and more like a late-night astrology meme page.

Fake or Real?

The headlines sparked confusion online. TikTok polls asked whether MPs truly discussed retrograde as an inflation factor. Results showed a 55 percent vote for “real.” One user commented, “Honestly, this sounds more logical than anything else they’ve tried.” Another wrote, “Fake, but it should be real. Britain deserves this level of absurdity.”

The debate mirrored a broader distrust in traditional policy. People joked that horoscopes seemed as accurate as central bank forecasts.

Meme Avalanche

Within hours, social media was flooded. One meme showed Rishi Sunak gazing at the stars with the caption “Budget aligned with Jupiter.” Another featured a photo of Parliament with zodiac signs hovering over MPs’ heads, labelled “House of Commons, House of Horoscopes.”

On Instagram, astrology influencers weighed in. One declared, “Inflation rising under retrograde energy makes perfect sense.” The comment was reposted thousands of times, sparking parody threads in financial forums.

Top Comments from the Internet

• “Finally, a forecast I can understand.”
• “Retrograde explains my empty wallet better than the Chancellor ever could.”
• “At this rate, Parliament should just hire Mystic Meg as Chief Economist.”

Critics and Chaos

Economists dismissed the spectacle. One LSE professor sighed, “We’ve gone from monetary policy to moon phases.” Yet even they admitted astrology might not be worse than current models.

Opposition MPs turned the debate into political theatre. One joked, “Inflation’s not in retrograde, it’s in meltdown.” Another argued Britain’s horoscope clearly warned against voting Conservative.

Even tabloids joined the circus. Headlines like “Mercury to Blame for Food Prices” appeared on breakfast tables, leaving readers unsure if it was satire or reality.

Satirical Vision of Governance

Imagine a Britain where budgets are announced based on lunar eclipses. Interest rates rise during full moons, tax relief arrives with shooting stars, and recessions are declared when Saturn sulks.

One viral parody poster pictured Big Ben glowing under a constellation, with the slogan: “Your future, written in the stars and debated in Parliament.”

A Public Hungry for Distraction

Behind the laughter lies a sharp truth. People are tired of endless economic jargon. Inflation is real, wages are tight, and the cost of living crisis weighs heavily. When politicians debate astrology, it becomes funny because reality already feels unbelievable.

Satire thrives where trust collapses. If people believe Mercury retrograde explains inflation, it says more about their faith in institutions than in the stars.

Conclusion

Whether Westminster truly debated horoscopes or not almost doesn’t matter. The story captured a frustrated public’s imagination. At a time when forecasts miss the mark and policies stumble, even astrology feels credible.

So the next time your grocery bill shocks you, don’t just blame the government. Check the stars. You might find your wallet’s horoscope says, “Today, expect losses.”

By James Porter – Political Satire Analyst
james.porter@londonews.com