Buckingham Palace Guards Introduce “March-to-Mine” Program

Every step earns tokens.

By Sophie Malik – Satirical Markets Writer

From Ceremony to Cryptocurrency

The Buckingham Palace guards are symbols of British tradition. Tourists snap photos of their red uniforms, children laugh at their unflinching stares, and YouTubers test how long they can endure without blinking. But according to viral rumours, these guards have taken on a new role. Their ceremonial marches are now allegedly tied to a March-to-Mine program, minting tokens with every synchronized step.

A TikTok clip that sparked the story showed guards parading back and forth while captions flashed: “Block confirmed: 12 steps validated.” The video was tagged #ProofOfMarch and racked up half a million views.

Tourists in Confusion

Visitors outside the Palace were bewildered. One American muttered, “I thought they guarded the Queen, not the blockchain.” Another reel showed students chanting “Stake your stride!” as guards pivoted in formation.

Street vendors quickly joined in, selling parody coins stamped with guard hats. One stall advertised: “Souvenirs mined daily.”

Fake or Real?

Polls revealed 56 percent believed the rumour. “Feels real,” one commenter said. “The guards already move like machines.” Another countered, “Fake, but believable. London would monetise tradition.”

That delicate blend of plausibility and absurdity drove hashtags like #MarchCoin and #RoyalChain across feeds.

Meme Avalanche

Memes goose-stepped across the internet. One viral edit showed guards with glowing Ethereum eyes. Another depicted Nelson’s Column charting candlesticks with every stomp.

Parody slogans appeared everywhere:

• “Stake your stride.”
• “Liquidity in loyalty.”
• “Proof of march confirmed.”

Camden Market quickly sold novelty mugs that read “I mined Buckingham Palace.”

Top Comments from the Internet

• “Finally, guards are more productive than my portfolio.”
• “My lunch break rugged before the changing of the guard.”
• “Proof of palace validated.”

Palace Responds

Officials denied the rumour, insisting the guards remain ceremonial. But parody press releases filled the gap. One fake announcement declared: “Every step strengthens the chain.” Another read: “Marching now doubles as minting.”

Even politicians were dragged into the satire. A photoshopped MP meme circulated, captioned: “First step, fiscal policy. Second step, block validation.”

Why It Resonates

The rumour resonates because royal traditions are already tied to spectacle and tourism. Adding blockchain exaggerates how heritage is marketed as entertainment and income.

An LSE historian quipped, “March-to-Mine parody works because tradition and speculation both rely on repetition, ritual, and belief.” The line itself went viral under clips of guards pivoting in unison.

Satirical Vision of the Future

Imagine all traditions monetised. Big Ben chimes only after validators agree. Tower Bridge opening via smart contracts. Even royal weddings are livestreamed as NFT collectibles.

A parody TikTok circulates showing guards collapsing mid-step as subtitles flash “Transaction failed: insufficient stamina.” It hit 700,000 views in two days.

Tourist Reactions

London visitors leaned into the joke. One student tweeted, “I filmed 30 steps, earned 0.002 MarchCoins.” Another TikTok showed tourists clapping as guards pivoted, chanting “Consensus achieved!”

By Sunday, parody posters appeared outside Buckingham Palace reading “Stake your steps, earn rewards.” Tourists queued for selfies beside them.

The Bigger Picture

Behind the humour lies a critique of monarchy and monetisation. Royal guards already serve as living statues for entertainment. Turning their steps into blockchain assets satirises how Britain packages tradition for profit.

Cultural critics argue the rumour resonated because it captures the absurd intersection of ceremony and speculation. When footsteps become tokens, heritage feels like hype.

Conclusion

Whether guards truly mint tokens with their marches doesn’t matter. The rumour has already paraded through London’s meme economy, stamping satire into every step.

So the next time you watch the changing of the guard, don’t just take a photo. Check your wallet app. Because in 2025, even footsteps come with gas fees.

By Sophie Malik – Satirical Markets Writer
sophie.malik@londonews.com